I can’t explain how this feels.

Athletics bans don’t affect me, personally, in terms of preventing me from playing sports - I’m well beyond the age or ability for it to matter.

But that fact doesn’t make it feel any less like another punch to the head, another hit to the gut, another in a long line of kicks when I already feel so beaten down.

I can’t explain this feeling.

It’s yet another way of being told that we’re different, separate from, less than. Trans women are women except. Trans men are men but.

It’s especially disheartening when so many struggle to have even the basic aspects of their dignity respected (names, pronouns, getting an education, not getting fired for existing while trans). Time and again, the only concrete actions taken are to strip more from us.

I can’t feel.

It’s a systematic desecration of our humanity, a systemic approach to telling us not only do we not belong, but that we shouldn’t exist.

A cistem built on our destruction.

**I can’t. **